I started this blog because I felt that I had so much to share but I’m afraid I’ve given it all away. But this can’t be it! Can it?
So I go to my reader and see if I can find something from my favourite bloggers. That always gets my ideas flowing and going.
So I go on my own blog and read my old posts hoping that my old self has something to offer. Yes, yes she did! I also noticed that it’s almost my second anniversary here on WordPress btw.
A long time ago cettepetitezed typed that she was a lover of Christ and she created this blog in order to ‘share and inspire through her struggles as a teenage Christian’. For a couple of months, she delivered a few really Christian posts every now and then like these two here. Then they just vanished… Gone… What happened?
When my eyes got opened and I saw the beauty of the Lord, I couldn’t help but shout it on all mountain tops. It’s like discovering a treasure that you just want to share with everyone. It’s like a huge personal achievement rather. I felt invincible. I kissed my past goodbye and I became a soldier of the Lord. So I came on here and I sounded super convinced and super ‘Christian’. Then the doubts, the questions and the old ways came back swinging and the soldier got severely injured.
Since I’m a proud soldier, I couldn’t come back here to the people to whom I’ve preached and admit that I was in darkness, in doubt. I couldn’t just come here and take stuff back. You know what they say about the internet! So you know what I did?
I brushed it off. This is my blog, I chose what I put on it and since I’ve not reached the notoriety that enables people to request certain subjects, I had no explanations to give and that was that.
(…) through my struggles as a teenage Christian
I had to realize that I can’t inspire through my struggles if I didn’t share my actual struggles. So I’m here to confess brethrens, I’ve struggled, I’m struggling and the struggle is real!
I gave myself so much Jesus that it became unhealthy because I started to feel a lot of unnecessary pressure to be perfect or to be ‘christian’. Religion should be a source of peace and joy so if it starts causing you discomfort then you’re doing something wrong.
All this pressure resulted in me questioning everything. I lost sight of why this was important to me in the first place. Those sparkles that were in my eyes when I thought about Jesus just left their place to confusion. It all became a bit much so I left! Again!
I just needed space, I took a break from the Lord because I had too much. It’s like when I was 9, I had way too many peanut butter cookies and I threw up at night for the first time in years. Now you would NEVER catch me eating a peanut butter cookie!
I didn’t want that to happen with the Lord and it didn’t because the fact that I left helped me realize how much I needed him. I saw that the pressure I got was not from him but it was from my environment. The feeling that I needed to be super saved.
I don’t. You don’t.
Your relationship with God is personal. It’s ok to doubt, it’s even necessary to build your faith. Blind faith can be unhealthy. If you saturate, take a break. Not to go out and get crunk but to figure things out with God.
Like I said the struggle is still real but I’ve accepted that I’m still figuring things out and there is nothing wrong with that.
God be with me
*The blog has been looking a bit serious lately, I’ll try to lighten things up next week.
*From now on I’m posting every Sunday so look out for me!